The Rude and Ridiculous Royals of Classroom 13 Read online

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2018 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  CLASSROOM 13 is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  Cover and interior art by Joelle Dreidemy. Cover design by Véronique Sweet.

  Cover copyright © 2018 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  Little, Brown and Company

  Hachette Book Group

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  Visit us at LBYR.com

  First Edition: November 2018

  Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Lee, Honest, author. | Gilbert, Matthew J., author. | Dreidemy, Joelle, illustrator.

  Title: The rude and ridiculous royals of Classroom 13 / by Honest Lee & Matthew J. Gilbert ; art by Joelle Dreidemy.

  Description: First edition. | New York : Little, Brown and Company, 2018. | Series: Classroom 13 ; book 6 | Summary: The students of Classroom 13 become kings and queens and create outrageous laws.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017044922| ISBN 9780316437882 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780316437868 (trade pbk.) | ISBN 9780316437875 (ebook) | ISBN 9780316437899 (library ebook edition)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Kings, queens, rulers, etc.—Fiction. | School field trips—Fiction. | Schools—Fiction. | Humorous stories.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.L415 Ru 2018 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017044922

  ISBNs: 978-0-316-43788-2 (hardcover), 978-0-316-43786-8 (paperback), 978-0-316-43787-5 (ebook)

  E3-20180928-JV-PC

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Epigraph

  Chapter 1 The Fun Field Trip

  Chapter 2 The Freaky Field Trip

  Chapter 3 Ava

  Chapter 4 Benji

  Chapter 5 Chloe

  Chapter 6 Dev

  Chapter 7 Emma

  Chapter 8 Ethan

  Chapter 9 Fatima

  Chapter 10 Hugo

  Chapter 11 Isabella

  Chapter 12 Jacob

  Chapter 13 13

  Chapter 14 Jayden Jason

  Chapter 15 Liam

  Chapter 16 Lily

  Chapter 17 Mark

  Chapter 18 Mason

  Chapter 19 Mya & Madison

  Chapter 20 Olivia

  Chapter 21 Preeya

  Chapter 22 Santiago

  Chapter 23 Sophia

  Chapter 24 Teo

  Chapter 25 Touchdown The Teacher’s Assistant

  Chapter 26 William

  Chapter 27 Ximena

  Chapter 28 Yuna

  Chapter 29 Zoey

  Chapter 30 The Former Kings and Queens of Classroom 13

  Chapter 31 Your Chapter

  You might need this later.…

  You’re welcome.

  -Honest Lee

  CHAPTER 1

  The Fun Field Trip

  When very unlucky schoolteacher Ms. Linda LaCrosse woke up Monday morning, she hoped it would be another uneventful day. That is, until she remembered what today was.… “It’s field trip day!”

  Ms. Linda hopped out of bed and danced around her room, singing. She hit such a high note with her voice that the bedroom window shattered. Four birds flew in and chased Ms. Linda around the room.

  Eventually, she managed to lock the birds in her bedroom. Then she ate breakfast in the shower and showered in the kitchen. Afterward, she found it odd that she’d made such a mess.

  I did say Ms. Linda was rather unlucky. Yet she remained a happy and hopeful teacher. As she drove to school, she said, “Today, I hope nothing weird happens with my students when we go to the museum.”

  Silly Ms. Linda. She should have known that by saying such a thing out loud, she just jinxed herself.

  When Ms. Linda got to school, the field trip day was already off to a bad start. First, Sophia tried to sneak the class hamster, Earl, onto the bus. Ms. Linda insisted no animals could go on the field trip.

  While the teacher was distracted, Mason snuck his cow, Touchdown, onto the bus. He put Touchdown in a wig and a sweater. Ms. Linda saw her and said, “Oh, you must be Mandy, my new teacher’s assistant. It’s a pleasure to have you.”

  Touchdown said, “Moo!”

  “Nice to moo you, too,” Ms. Linda replied.

  They were going to be late if they didn’t leave soon. But they were waiting on one last student: Santiago. As he finally rolled up to the bus, he was all puffy with bright green spots. He was also inside a big plastic bubble.

  “Why are you inside a balloon?” Ms. Linda asked.

  “I’m sick,” Santiago sniffled, “but I refuse to miss a field trip just because I caught a nasty stomach-throat-skin virus. Don’t worry, my quarantine bubble will protect everyone while I’m contagious.”

  “I think maybe you should go home,” Ms. Linda said.

  Santiago refused. “No way. Field trips are the best! I won’t miss it.”

  Ms. Linda didn’t want to deny any of her students a chance to learn. So she let him board the bus.

  “Is everyone here?” Ms. Linda asked.

  Everyone shouted, “Yes!” Which was true. All twenty-seven students were present—including the newest student in Classroom 13. Actually, the new student is Classroom 13. You see, the 13th Classroom was tired of missing out on the wild and zany adventures, and so it (the classroom) became a student. If you’re wondering how, don’t ask me. I don’t understand physics. If you’re wondering if 13 is a he or a she—it is neither. It’s an it.

  Don’t look at me like that! I just wrote the book. If Classroom 13 wants to be a he, or a she, or an it, it’s not up to me, it’s up to it!

  Anyways…

  The bus ride was only a few hours long, and the students were surprisingly quiet. Ms. Linda appreciated how well behaved they were—until she realized why.

  Of the twenty-seven present students, all of them were on their phones. One was taking photos, two were reading celebrity news, three were watching movies, and four were playing video games. The remaining seventeen students were texting each other. (They thought it was far more fun to text than to talk, even when seated next to each other.)

  “Could everyone please put their phones away?” Ms. Linda asked. All the students groaned. “A field trip is an excellent way to gain firsthand knowledge.”

  “Is ‘gain firsthand knowledge’ the same thing as ‘learning’?” Preeya asked.

  “Why, yes it is,” Ms. Linda answered.

  All the students groaned again—except Olivia. She liked learning.

  “Where are we going?” Isabella asked.

  “To a museum!” Ms. Linda
said. “We’re going to learn about castles and catapults and maidens and knights and kings and queens.”

  “I’m bored already,” Zoey said. “Can we go do something fun instead?”

  “This will be fun,” Ms. Linda said. “We’ll get to see old paintings and sculptures and chandeliers and rugs—”

  “Snores-ville!” Liam said.

  “We’ll also get to see how laws were made in the past,” Ms. Linda added. “You see, in the old days, it was up to the kings and queens to make laws with the help of their courts. Some of those laws laid the groundwork for laws that we use today.”

  “Laws are dumb,” William said.

  “Yeah,” most of the kids agreed.

  “If we were the kings and queens, we’d make things so much better!” said Isabella.

  “Yeah!” all the kids shouted.

  Ms. Linda thought this might be what teachers call a “teachable moment”—which means an event that presents a chance for learning. So she said, “Then please tell me—if you could be a king or a queen for the day—what laws would you make?”

  “If?” 13 laughed. “There’s no need to say if—not when I can make it really happen.”

  The new student with a cube for a head stood up and snapped its fingers. There was a big burst of magical light…

  CHAPTER 2

  The Freaky Field Trip

  …and as the school bus pulled up in front of the castle, a huge crowd was waiting. The people were holding signs that said WELCOME, KINGS AND QUEENS OF CLASSROOM 13!

  A huge crowd of people stood on either side of a red carpet. A band played music while vendors sold flags. There was even a group of security guards waiting to escort the students inside.

  “What is going on?!” Ms. Linda asked.

  13 smiled. (Well, kinda—13 doesn’t have a mouth.) “Oh, I made your hypothetical question into a real reality.”

  “But how?”

  “I have magic powers,” 13 said.

  “Well, can you undo it?” Ms. Linda said. “The field trip is a way of learning.”

  “So is being an actual queen or king,” 13 said.

  “We want to be kings!” the boys shouted.

  “We want to be queens!” the girls shouted.

  “Girls in charge of a country? Ridiculous.” Jacob laughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s not even legal!”

  Zoey, Yuna, Ximena, Sophia, Preeya, Olivia, Mya & Madison, Lily, Isabella, Fatima, Emma, Chloe, and Ava all leapt up and punched Jacob in the arm.

  Ms. Linda turned bright red. “Oh my! Jacob, how did you not know? Women are of course equal to men. I guess you students do need to learn about kings and queens. I suppose we can try this, 13—but only until I say when.”

  “Fantastic,” 13 said. “Let’s go get our crowns!”

  The students from Classroom 13 stepped off the bus. Their security team escorted them into the castle. As the students walked, they waved to their adoring public. People cheered and clapped and screamed. “We love you, kings and queens of Classroom 13!”

  Some of the students enjoyed the attention. Others did not. But all of them were excited to rule a country. And all of them were excited to start making (and breaking) the laws.

  As they entered the royal throne room, each student was given a golden crown. The kids started jumping and screaming with joy. Ms. Linda said, “Let’s all calm down a little. You may be royalty now, but you’re still my students. Perhaps we should make laws in alphabetical order. Ava, that means you’re first.”

  “Excellent!” Ava said. “I know just the law I want to make.…”

  Ms. Linda took several deep breaths as her first student took the throne. Ava was now queen of the country, and she could make any law she wanted to. Ms. Linda feared for the country—and rightly so.

  CHAPTER 3

  Ava

  That’s right. As soon as Ava took the throne, she said the three words that every student on the planet had always wanted to hear:

  “NO MORE HOMEWORK!”

  And just like that, it was made into a law. Word went out to the entire nation. All teachers were to immediately cease giving homework to their students.

  Previously, Ava had nothing against school. In fact, she liked school a lot. But she did not like having to do schoolwork outside of school. Her parents already had her taking tennis lessons, kicking karate butt, and splashing at swim class. The last thing she wanted to do at the end of a long day was more work. So she outlawed homework.

  As word spread, you could hear students everywhere celebrating. College kids cried with contentment at campus parties. High schoolers howled happily. Middle schoolers mooned the moon. Elementary classes expressed their excitement with elongated echoes of elation. And preschoolers—well, preschoolers never had homework, so they just took naps.

  Ava was known as a national hero. That first night, she texted her friends on her phone. The second night, she enjoyed a movie marathon with her family. On the third night, she painted a portrait. On the fourth, she read a book. But on the fifth, she had a strange feeling.

  “What’s wrong?” Teo asked.

  “I feel weird,” Ava said. “There’s all this free time I have, but I don’t know what to do with it.”

  “Oh,” Teo said, “you’re just bored.”

  “Bored?!” Ava was confused. She’d never been bored before. But she quickly decided being bored was better than being buried under homework.

  When Ava woke up the next morning, she went out on her royal balcony. The crowds booed and hissed at her. They even threw rotten tomatoes. She ran inside and turned on the news. A reporter said, “Ava is one of the worst queens ever. Her new no-homework law has grades dropping. Our country is fast becoming the slowest-learning country in the world. People are dumber than ever! Thanks a lot, Ava.”

  As her last act as queen, Ava (reluctantly, and with a heavy heart) undid the law. Students everywhere were devastated.

  CHAPTER 4

  Benji

  Benji’s crown was decorated with jewels that looked like soccer balls. Some of the kids had to get used to wearing the heavy crowns. But not Benji. As one of the most athletic kids in school, he was familiar with heavy headgear: football helmets, batting helmets, hockey masks, lacrosse headgear, you name it.

  You see, Benji loved sports—even if his family didn’t.

  If Benji wasn’t playing sports, he was watching them on TV… at least when he could. After all, some sports channels cost extra money, and they aren’t cheap. And his parents refused to pay for them.

  “Two hundred dollars to watch guys in tights chase a ball?!” his father shrieked. “I’m not paying for that!”

  “Maybe the hockey channel, then?!” Benji begged. “It’s only seventy-nine dollars.” He quietly added: “For the first two months, plus additional fees, then full-season price activates for the low cost of three hundred dollars. Rules and restrictions apply.”

  Mr. Bearenstein heard that. “Why do you want to waste money watching ice skaters chase a hamburger patty around?”

  “It’s not a hamburger patty, Dad. It’s called a ‘puck,’” Benji explained.

  “The answer is no. With so many channels, you wouldn’t know what to watch. It would be like throwing cash down the toilet! When you get a job, you can order any ridiculous sports package you want.”

  Well, now Benji did have a job… as king! He wasted no time making his first royal demand: “I want ALL the sports channels!” (Sure, it wasn’t really a law, but it’s what the king wanted.)

  That afternoon, a humongous TV satellite was placed in Benji’s royal room. He turned on the TV, grabbed his favorite sports drink, and sat back, ready to enjoy all the fancy sports channels his heart desired.

  There was just one little problem… well, more like eight thousand little problems. There are over eight thousand sports being played across the globe every day. (For real, look it up!) And somehow, each had its very own TV channel.

  There were the sports e
veryone knows, like soccer, tennis, and golf. But as the channels got higher, the sports got weirder: competitive tree climbing, gymnastic tuba playing, full-contact ribbon dancing, something called curling.

  “I don’t know what curling is, but I’m glad I have the Deluxe Curling Channel!” Benji said. “What else is on?”

  Benji couldn’t decide what to watch. For every one sport he could watch, he was missing at least 7,999 other ones. That didn’t seem like such a good deal after all. Certainly not one fit for a king.

  So he changed channels constantly. He did this for hours. He flipped through so many new sports channels, his thumb started to hurt. So he hired an assistant just to change the channel for him. This person’s official job title was “Royal Channel Changer.”

  But even with help, he couldn’t watch everything. “Ugh!” Benji groaned. “I don’t know what to waaaaaatch!”

  “Told ya,” his dad said.

  Benji didn’t watch the news. But if he had, he would have seen the media joking that King Benji was the star athlete of a new sport: extreme channel surfing.

  CHAPTER 5

  Chloe

  Do you know what a “vegan” is?

  No, it is not an alien from the planet Vega. Guess again.

  No, it is not me trying to type “Megan” and getting my m’s and v’s mixed up. (But your guesses could certainly use ivpromevent.)

  Stop guessing—I’ll just tell you!

  A vegan is a person who does not eat or use animal products. It’s true. A good vegan will never know the thrill of devouring a pepperoni pizza. They will never dine in a steakhouse. And they often cover their eyes when a commercial for fried chicken comes on.

  Vegans only eat “things that come from the earth.” You know, like corn, carrots, lettuce, potatoes, radishes—all stuff that grows out of dirt.

  Anyways, Chloe is a vegan—which should come as no surprise. After all, Chloe is Classroom 13’s most eco-friendly student. She spends every waking moment outside of school doing her part to protect the planet and the creatures that live on it. And she doesn’t like that people eat animals three times a day. It upsets her. So her first order as queen was to—